


No Shame in Being Sincere

by tiniestawoo



Series: teen wolf tumblr drabbles and ficlets [20]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M, Soft Boys, Teammates to Lovers, post death of Paige, post-Visionary flashback
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27254416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiniestawoo/pseuds/tiniestawoo
Summary: Derek returns to school after Paige's death and feels lost. Everyone has so much pity in their eyes and he can't tolerate it. The guilt eats at him, until he finds himself in the path of just the right smile, and then the world gets just a little bit easier to bear.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Jordan Parrish
Series: teen wolf tumblr drabbles and ficlets [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896046
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	No Shame in Being Sincere

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hun__Sher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hun__Sher/gifts).



> Once again, I was goaded by discord friends, mostly Lulu, to write high school Darrish. Enjoy!!

Derek didn’t want to go back to school. He didn’t even want to _exist_ right now, let alone go to school and walk past the memorial at her locker after the awful _animal attack_ that killed the Beacon Hills high school’s musical prodigy. 

He wasn’t sure what made him more angry; the fact that _he_ was the animal, or the fact that it seemed like everyone loved her more now that she was dead than they had loved her in life. (None of them, though, had loved her like he had. He’d loved her _to death_.)

Derek shook his head and resisted the urge to tear it all down, tearing his eyes away from the picture of her in the middle of all the flowers. He had to get to class. He’d already missed a week of school. His teachers had all been very sympathetic (not that he deserved it) but he knew that if he didn’t get his assignments done he’d lose his spot on the basketball team.

And if he lost that…he’d have _nothing_ left. Nothing except blue werewolf eyes and a foggy memory of cradling her body close to his chest. 

“Derek! You’re back.” He let his eyes fall closed and took a deep breath, counting to ten. If it had been most others he’d have just kept walking, ignored them, but of course, it had to be _him_.

“Hey Jordan,” he said, trying to put some amount of emotion into his voice. He turned when a hand clapped him on the shoulder, Jordan’s concerned green eyes landing on his face, his lips quirked in a small, genuine smile. 

“Everyone’s been worried about you. I’m so, so sorry.” 

Guilt stirred in Derek’s gut. He was glad Jordan wasn’t a werewolf to smell it. “Yeah, I uh, thanks,” he stuttered.

How was he _supposed_ to respond to people showing him sympathy? Did he accept their condolences? Did he just let _himself_ believe the narrative that some animal had killed her and pretend like it hadn’t been his harebrained plan that had gotten her into the mess, and his claws that had hastened her death? 

“Did you hear me?” Jordan asked, squeezing Derek’s shoulder gently. 

No, he hadn’t, too lost in the sea of guilt and blame and anger to pay any attention outward. “No, I didn’t, sorry.” 

“I said that Coach is looking forward to you being back,” Jordan said, moving his hand from Derek’s shoulder and tucking it into his pocket. “We need you, man. I’ll see you at practice.” Jordan grinned and headed into the sea of people and towards his class.

Derek reached across his body to place his hand over the spot on his shoulder where Jordan had gripped him. He’d touched Derek – a monster, a _killer_ – without hesitation, or fear. Such a simple touch was more than most of Derek’s family had given him in the last week, a mix of fear for him and fear of him. 

Derek found himself touching the spot on his shoulder a lot that first day.

–

“Hale, are you even trying?” Coach called out after Derek missed his third 3-point shot in a row – something he was usually very good at. “I know you’ve got personal stuff, but if you wanna stay on the team you need to get it together.” 

Anger flared in Derek because _how fucking dare_ Coach try to reduce Paige’s death to nothing more than just _personal stuff_. He resisted the urge to growl but turned towards Coach, hands clenched at his sides, ready to fight when suddenly his view was obscured.

Jordan, beads of sweat dotting his brow, had stepped between Derek and Coach, one of his hands outstretched. “Take a breath,” he said softly. “He’s always like this, remember?” 

“I can’t do this.” Derek said, shaking his head and spinning away from Jordan, jogging towards the locker room despite the calling of his coach and teammates. Angry tears burned in his eyes when he got there, sitting down heavily on one of the benches and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to stem the flow.

“Derek.” 

Derek jumped, and then had to laugh because for fucks sake he was a werewolf, no one should be able to get the jump on him like that. “Let me guess, Coach wants me back out there?”

Jordan dropped onto the bench next to Derek and shrugged his shoulders. “No idea. I didn’t wait to find out.” He nudged his shoulder into Derek’s. “Are you sure you’re ready to be back.”

“No,” Derek said, the most honest he’d been about the situation. “I have no idea if I’m _ever_ going to be ready to be back.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Jordan asked. Derek noticed that he hadn’t moved away since the shoulder bump, his body a warm, constant weight against Derek’s shoulder. “I hate seeing you like this.”

Derek turned to Jordan finally, ashamed of the tears in his eyes but also comforted by the open, honest smile of the other boy. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly.

“It’s gonna be okay, Derek.” Jordan said, before he slowly – so, so slowly – brought his other arm up to tug Derek into a somewhat-awkward side-hug. “You’re gonna be okay.”

_Okay_. That word had been thrown around a lot in the last week or so and Derek hadn’t believed it. But, in that otherwise-empty locker room, with the muffled sound of Coach’s whistle in the distance, his face pressed awkwardly against Jordan’s shoulder, he might have believed that _Okay_ was possible.

–

Derek kissed Jordan without thinking about it two months later. They were sitting in Derek’s bedroom working on algebra homework and laughing about things Coach had said at practice the day before. There was a big game this weekend, so they’d both agreed to sit and get as much homework done as they could.

Derek wasn’t sure who was more shocked by the kiss, himself – who had frozen in the moment and started to pull away – or Jordan – who had reacted much more quickly and leaned _into_ it.

Derek blinked and traced his lips with his tongue. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly.

“For kissing me?” Jordan asked with a grin. “You don’t have to be.” 

“I didn’t…even know I was into guys,” Derek admitted. 

“I mean…neither did I, but like, I’m into _you_.” Jordan shrugged. “I just…I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, so soon after what happened.” 

_What happened_. It was code for “that time Derek killed his girlfriend.” but Jordan didn’t even know the full story. Jordan didn’t even know that Derek was a _werewolf_ and that was….not a mistake that Derek was going to make again. 

“I need to tell you something,” Derek said, closing the text book. “Just…promise not to scream, okay?” 

Jordan raised an eyebrow, but his green eyes were sparkling and his lips had parted into a wide smile. “I’ll try.” 

When Derek’s face changed, eyes burning blue and extra hair sprouting along his jaw, Jordan didn’t scream. He got bonus points for taking one of Derek’s clawed hands and studying it, his scent even, his heartbeat steady.

Derek shifted back to kiss him again. 


End file.
